New Family Member

I found a baby bird in my driveway last night.

I took him inside, put him in a box with warmed towels and Harmony and Virginia stood watch over him.

A few minutes later, Harmony came running down the hallway and gleefully exclaimed, "Momma! He's pecking the side of the box!"

"Mmm hmm, he is?"

"Yes! I'm going to name him Pecker!"

Pecker McKnob. Does it get any better?

Lunch Portion

I have no Internet or computer at home, so my only option is to write from my phone on my lunch breaks.

Chris sent me a picture message the other day. A local license plate that simply read "Finley".

I was the victim of a violent bug suicide...it chose to go out by flying directly into my forehead, stinger first, while I was on the back of a motorcycle. A week later when my eyes were still swelling shut, I went to see a local doctor for the first time. His name? Dr. Finley.

Yesterday in the course of my breathtaking day as an insurance drone, I ended up having a long conversation with a woman who is married to a fairly well-known and successful author. "Send me your information and I'll have my husband pass it on to his agent."

I have a hard time lately believing in fate or divine intervention of any kind and I'm probably experiencing things that are just coincidence, but, whatever. I need some hope.

And I'll start by hoping that fucking bug is dead as dog shit.

When She Stops Believing It Will Break My Heart

Harmony is certain that I have a direct line to Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and every other mythical creature that permeates our holidays.

Chris and I are still adapting to the kid sharing thing (neither of us can quite get used to not seeing her every day) and Sunday, she spent Easter with his family in Arkansas. Since I didn't get to see her, I planned a small Easter egg hunt for her on Tuesday morning before I took her to school. I stuffed eggs, put her to bed, realized she was still awake so I crawled out the window into the backyard like a lunatic and carefully placed brightly colored eggs and glitter nail polish and travel size bubble baths all over the yard.

There's only so much shit you can stuff into those tiny eggs, so I improvise.

Tuesday morning when she noticed the first egg through the window she squealed in delight and then that maddening but impressive logic of hers took hold. "Mommy, I already got stuff from the Easter bunny. Why did he come again?"

I wasn't sure what to say. "He had extra stuff. There was a drawing, you won."

"But shouldn't he give it to kids who didn't get anything?"

"He has a quota to fill."

"What's a quota? And why would he come on a Tuesday?"

"He had time off, his Union required it, health conscious parents are asking him to deliver tofu and bean sprouts so you get junk food. Just enjoy it, baby."

Still confused, but excited by the prospect of another egg hunt, she finally relented and went in search of goodies. She always misses one or two and I had to get her to school, so I stood by the ones she overlooked and urged her to keep hunting. One egg was simply impossible for her to find and she finally threw her hands up in frustration. "Momma, just call the Easter bunny and ask him how many eggs he put out so I make sure I don't miss any."

"The Easter bunny doesn't have a cell phone, honey."

"Everyone has a cell phone, Mommy. Santa has one. You call him every year when I'm bad."

"Right, but that's Santa. The Easter bunny is old school."

"Then how did you know he was coming today?"

"Um. He ... sent me a letter."

"I wanna see!"

"You know what, I just remembered he does have a cell phone. Calling now."

Ever tried to make a fake phone call to the Easter bunny while a very savvy 5 year old stands by your side, scrutinizing every word? Hoping that no incoming calls shattered the deception, I finally completed the fake call and told her to look for one more. After a few more minutes, and me all but standing on the damned thing, she was frustrated again. "Mommy, call him back and ask him for a map of where he put everything."

"Honey, he can't text a map."

"Sure he can. Have him take a picture of it and send it in a message."

I sighed and pointed. "There Harmony. There's the egg."

Techonology is ruining the magic.

Full Circle

Here I am again. Back at my old job, the one I had when I started this blog, single mother, again and more confused than ever.

I think I've left this blog sitting here, unattended, because I don't laugh as much anymore. I don't find the humor in the most mundane shit like I used to. Then I started thinking, maybe it's because I'm not looking or noticing.

I don't know but I do know this: writing got me through a lot of things when nothing else seemed to help. I don't care who listens or hates me anymore, I have too much going on in my real life to be mired down in that crap any longer.

Maybe I need this again. Maybe I need handfuls of pills and therapy and a monkey to talk to. This is cheaper.

What Day Is It?

I've been working long, long hours and with the start of the school year, helping Devon move into his dorm (dorm schmorm. A dorm should be bare, ugly floors, funny smells, it's either too hot or too cold, you can hear your next door neighbor fart and unidentifiable rodents. His is a hotel room, literally) I haven't even checked my email in a month.

Yesterday morning, I was trying to get Harmony to hurry up so I could get out the door. "Put these feathers in my hair, first!" she squealed.

She had picked up some crafting feathers from a friend of hers. I was not pleased. "Which one?"

"All of them."

"There are five...six...seven feathers, Harmony. You don't want all of them."

"Yes, I do."

"Honey, no you-"

"Yes, I do! I do! I do! I want all of them! All!"

Rather than argue with her for twenty minutes, I braided each feather into her hair and then shooed her into the bathroom. "Go take a look and hurry."

She came back around the corner with a disgusted look on her face. She looked like a porcupine. "I don't like it."

"Right on, now get in the car, we're going to school."

Oddly enough, she didn't even mention the feathers this morning.

We'll Get You Covered. Even Though I'm Sure You'll Sue Us.

Last week a local new station did a piece on a company that has been taking peoples insurance checks (ostensibly to replace their roof) doled out after the recent rash of storms and then disappearing with the money. Hundreds of people got scammed, a good portion of them elderly.

I met one such gentleman last week and this got me thinking: What can we do to help out? I now work for an installation company so I approached my boss and told him what I had in mind. He is a terrific guy with a great, big heart and he gave me the go ahead.

I called the news director for the channel that had done the piece and pitched it to him: Basically, we donate labor and materials and do one free roof a month for the next five months to victims of this scam. Those winners would be determined by a drawing or whatever is fair. The news directors response to me? "So, let me get this straight. All of these people, all these victims who have damaged roofs and no money to fix them and you want to do one a month? For, what, five months?"

I was speechless. "Um, yes sir. Each job averages about ten thousand dollars so you're looking at us giving away fifty grand. We just need a vehicle for the promotion of it and that's where you come in. I'll be happy to do a mock up, write the press release and all of that so you don't incur any cost except the ad spot."

"Meh. Shoot it over to me and I'll take a look at it but I'm not promising anything."

When did giving an inch become expecting a mile? JUST FIVE ROOFS, YOU CADS?! HOW DARE YOU GIVE ONLY FIVE ROOFS AWAY!

I need a hug and a time machine. I don't understand this world I'm in.

Caylee Anthony Law

Ok, so the widget is way to big for the sidebar and I don't give a shit. I want that sucker as visible as possible.

Go sign this petition, please. It isn't about what this woman did or didn't do to her daughter, only God knows and will be the judge of that. But to not report your child missing is...heinous. My four year old wouldn't be missing for more than five minutes without me screaming down the police, national guard, ninjas, bloodhounds and that guy that lives in remote areas and eats bugs and shit to live. He seems like he could find anything.

What astounds me is that there are people AGAINST THIS. How can you be against a law that would basically put you in jail if you don't report your child missing? Am I crazy or does that seem like it would be something childless people would rally for? (and I'm not pointing fingers at people who have no children, there are millions who are just as appalled and hurt by what happened to this little girl). But I just can't imagine a parent not agreeing with the petition to change this. It never should have happened this way and it's not fair to Caylee to just let this go as if it were an oversight or a one time mistake. Bullshit. It wasn't a mistake, it was negligence. Plain and simple.

If you have a child, it's your responsibility to protect them and nurture them. If you can't do that, give them to someone who can and will. You had the baby and the fucking stork didn't bring it so kiss my ass with the whole "Can't take it anymore, must rid myself of my children" crap. I'm so tired of people killing their kids (and I'm not saying she did) because they can't handle it anymore. DROP THEM OFF AT A POLICE STATION OR A HOSPITAL. No child should be murdered, but my God, no child's last moments should be the image of the person they trust and love most in the world ending their life prematurely for no other reason than you're cramping their style or ruining their dating life.

I can't tell you how many times I've thought about getting in my car and driving away. But I don't do it. I understand that this is the most difficult and frustrating job in the world, but they didn't ask to be here. I get angry, upset and yes, sometimes I wonder, just for a moment, what my life would be like if I hadn't had children. And then Harmony comes in the room for no other reason then to tell me she loves me before going back to play and I feel like crap. But everyone has thoughts. Never once have I ever envisioned hurting my children. And if you do, that's okay AS LONG AS YOU SEEK HELP BEFORE YOU ACT UPON IT. Otherwise, you're a coward. And your children got the shit end of the stick for ending up with you.

And Then I Changed My Mind.